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From the desk of Coach James

The necessary evil of saying goodbye, and why you need to get good at saying adios to live happily e

As cosy as your life may be, it’s not always good to stay comfortable. If your life isn’t cushy, then you’re doing something right ­– we grow through our struggle. A diamond is formed under pressure.

We all get stuck, and start chasing our tales, wondering why life is so damned difficult and that we’re sick and tired of being fed up of eating the same crap every day.

As human beings, we are designed to grow and evolve, the Universe is constantly expanding, if it didn’t we wouldn’t be here, there would be no cycle of life, it would be the beginning and the end, amen.

In recent coach training I’ve been doing, the tutor talked about the bit where people get stuck, which leads them to come to coaching in the first place, to get unstuck. We all know the four seasons of the year: winter, spring, summer, autumn. Life too, has seasons, these are: infancy, childhood, teenagerhood, and adulthood; otherwise known as life stages. I was made aware of a fifth season in life, that we neglect to deal with – at least some of us do – called the season of transition. Sometimes this season, of variable duration, is a trap; it’s the gap that becomes a blackhole, devouring a person’s zest for life, self-esteem, and reasons to get out of bed in the morning.

In life coaching we talk about closing the gap from where you are, to where you want to be. If we view this gap as a time of transition, it doesn’t have to become a life sucking vortex, if you deal with it in the right way; and that would be to recognise it for what it is (period of transition), accept it and go with it. I’m reminded of that quote, this too shall pass. Life is constantly changing and evolving, nothing lasts for ever, including a bad hair day.

A personal example of this: I’ve lived through, is moving home. At first, I didn’t really want to move, but I knew I needed to as I’d outgrown my current place, but it was cosy, and I was in a routine, knowing where everything was, and how to work the hot water. When moving day arrived I got to my new abode, and chaos ensued of where everything would go, is the bed too big for the room, where will my new spot on the sofa be to avoid neck issues? Then for the next week I felt in a stuck state of discombobulation, not knowing where all my stuff was, and a lack of routine preventing me from getting on with my daily pursuits. But once I had overcome the brief disruption to life, balance was restored, I could resume business as usual, be it sitting in a different spot, with a more pleasing view.

I reminded myself that this (period of transition) too shall pass, and voilà, once all the new furniture was in, I could carry on with my life. I now have a bigger home office, and a better outlook, so my environment has improved, which is a winning payoff for the small amount of disruption moving caused.

If we saw change as a good thing, and not a harrowing process, reminding ourselves that, this too shall pass, life would be a lot less stressful. In trying to avoid the stress of adapting to change, people get reluctant to move on, until it becomes unbearable, feeling like they are treading water, and making no progress.

Resisting change can keep us stuck, and we theories as to why the current situation is making us feel uncomfortable, pondering ways to make circumstances more bearable, when most likely the only way to make it better is to move on. Change is good because we can learn from our experiences, if we don’t move on to new experiences, there is no chance to learn and grow.

We’ve all heard the adage: out with the old, in with the new. Sometimes we must let go, throw out, or part ways with things that no longer serve us, or provide internal value (fulfilment). If we stay attached to something and never let go, opting to stay where we are, then we’ll inevitably miss out on what could be. None of us likes to miss out, but if we don’t change there’s the possibility we could miss out on making our dreams a reality.

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” – Mark Twain

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