Are you doing what makes you go? Why it's not enough to fuel your engine with willpower.

I find myself, again, somewhat lost for drive and momentum – I am out from injury. Where did February go? I just noticed that my last blog was on Jan 25, and now it's March 1 already. I will be so glad to see the back of winter though, and am enjoying the lighter evenings, where it's not dark and gloomy by 4pm.

I've taken up running as a sport, as you may know if you follow my blog or Facebook page? I was training to run the London Marathon this year, but due to unforeseen health circumstances I've deferred to 2018. Initially I was upset that it now seems the Marathon goal is a bit out of reach at the moment, but I am able to run short distances still. My athletics coach had previously said to me that it is hard, if not ill-advised to train for both long distance and short distance (sprint) running. Because of the way the body is designed and made up it utilises different muscle fibres for long Vs. short distance running, these fibres are known as 'fast twitch' and 'slow twitch', it is hard to develop both sets of fibres at once, as we can see Mo Farah doing. So I had to decide which route I wanted to go down. Although life dictated the decision to me.

Now going down the path of becoming a short [60 - 100m] distance sprinter I am concentrating on working on my fast twitch muscle fibres, although psychologically I find long distance running easier – I like making life hard for myself. It's not really that I like making life hard for myself, it's that life has always been that way, and I'm not used to, or able to manage it being any other way.

Isn't that true for everyone though; if something comes too easily or is not hard work, we automatically assume we're not doing it correctly, or it's too good to be true, and thus walk away wondering what the catch is?

I've been actively training in short distance running for six months now, and it is a bit of an uphill battle at times. Having tore a ligament, and sprained my foot three times, my mum asks me why I put myself through it. Currently off from training I am wondering if there is an easier path to life, but I know if it came too easily it would be boring. The conundrum is that perhaps my lack of drive and momentum is because the struggle is draining on me, because I'm not living who I am. The other big string on my bow is the parapsychology part of me, that I'm not expressing. The 'struggle' I'm enduring may be because I am barking up the wrong tree, so to speak. My spiritual essence might not be to be a short distance runner, as much as I want to do it to be.

Are you battling to be something that maybe, really isn't you?

On a side note, I was meditating for two hours yesterday and I was having a mediumistic conversation with my guides and asking why is life such a arduous expedition? I was told that even though I am doing something that I enjoy, it is not my destiny, and being a channel for the world unseen is. I was quick to respond that that is not what I want to do. What I was told is very philosophical and that's why I am sharing it with you here. "A car is designed and made to be driven and get a person from A to B. If a car decided it did not want to be driven or transport people, it would struggle to fulfil its purpose in being, like you are." Take that for what you want, but it says a lot.

Are you following a path you enjoy or over-efforting to do something you think you should? I've noticed a lot of people not really living their life on purpose or feeling alive, just going through the process of life. I feel I am finally starting to be more true to my essence, and not contort my spirit into a box that I am not meant to get in – it's like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, it's not happening.

What would life be like if we grew up without being told how to be, or to conform to society? When we go against who we are, this is the metaphor of paddling up stream. What if we put the paddle down, and swim with the current? People's stress would decrease immensely, that I am sure of. I share that metaphor in my book, How To Heal From Trauma And PTSD: Your Ultimate Guide To Becoming The Person You Want To Be, along with ways to be the person you want to be, and manage stress.